You know that feeling when you and a girl you’ve been working on all night are on the couch, kissing and getting all hot and bothered? Then, just as you start to move your hands towards her jeans button, she stops you and says, “I’m sorry, but I can’t today, if you know what I mean. Maybe next time.”
That’s exactly what Black Ops 2 did to me.
Other than “Transit”, their new take on Zombies where you and three other people work together to kill the undead while traveling to different maps via a creepy automated bus while building weird contraptions to help you access otherwise inaccessible shenanigans, the game is garbage.
You do get to build a class with any 10 items you want without any true restrictions, though, which doesn’t really matter because there isn’t a noticeable difference to the damage any of the weapons in the game do in comparison to one another. A round from a light machine gun does the same damage as a round from a sub-machine gun. It was almost as if the game creators had a board meeting and said “Hey, lets get rid of any skill value in this game. Lets get soccer moms and Betty White interested in our franchise.” If you want to play this game like a “god”, just run around hip-firing a three burst pistol with an extended clip, popping people in the feet. I swear it works. That’s what I did for a week and 45 levels before I sold the game and replaced it with Halo 4.
Ha! After that Craigslist sale, I yelped with joy and skipped away, to the point where I bet the guy thought I had just sold him a broken game. Little did he know, he would have felt better about buying a broken copy of Fusion Frenzy. He also would have felt better about spending $40 on a tug-job from a wrestler with sandpaper hands.
The multi-player gameplay feels like something out of a 2005 Medal of Honor game. Oh, and I played the game for a total of 3 hours (including zombies) to get up to level 45. That doesn’t spell “challenging” in my dictionary. As a matter of fact, I think it spells “shyte”. I didn’t even make it to the campaign part of the game, so I can’t truly comment on it. I can only assume it to be as depressing and annoying as a beta version of the original Playstation’s Tomb Raider.
If you haven’t bought it yet, don’t buy it. If you bought it as a Christmas gift for someone, open the gift up and replace the game with a 90s version of Playgirl Magazine. That would be exponentially better to receive on Jesus’s birthday than a disc worth countless hours of frustration and disappointment.
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