How to Make Episode 7 Not Suck While Keeping EU Fans Happy

Before you continue reading this, at all, understand two things: 1) I'm guessing as to what Disney will and will not remove from the EU storyline, and 2) there are huge Expanded Universe spoilers in the coming paragraphs. If you have any sort of inclination to read any of the EU, stop reading this now. Like, right now.

Also, any hyperlinked words in this blog are links to Wookieepedia to further explain what those items are. It'll help you give you a little back story if you don't know these characters, places, or situations, or it'll serve as a refresher if you haven't read the Legacy of the Force series in a while.

Also also, there's a podcast episode companion to this which should be up and running shortly.

Now that I have that out of the way, we can set the opening scene. Circa 35ish years after the Return of the Jedi, Coruscant is being rebuilt as well as the rest of the galaxy. The Yuuzhan Vong are acknowledged, along with the war, but there's no actual talk of the turmoil that took place just a few years before. Basically, the Yuuzhan Vong are a species of militant, violent, and brutal humanoids who invaded what we know as the Star Wars galaxy from a whole other galaxy. They wrecked shop for a long time (7 or 8 years, I believe), hunting Jedi like sport. They also turned Coruscant, what we remember being a planet-wide city, into a moss-covered wasteland. You could also completely ignore the Yuuzhan Vong war and pretend that all this galactic battle damage came from decades of the Imperial and Republic/Rebel Alliance war. I know, I know, but we already know Disney is destroying cannon, I'm just guessing as to what's going to make it to the editor's floor. But for the sake of my story, we're sticking with the Yuuzhan Vong.

Our main characters, from the original trilogy still exist, but obviously we are passing the reigns to younger, newer characters/actors. Jacen Solo, Jaina Solo, and Ben Skywalker will be our new protagonists. Anakin Solo exists too, but he won't play a big part until Episode 8, other than to show that he and Ben Skywalker are best friends. All four of them are Jedi Knights or higher, by the way.

Jacen Solo and Tenal Ka, who's also a Jedi, have a love interest that's lasted a while, long enough where they have a daughter together, Allana, who's just a wee one. There's also a very large rift between Jacen and Jaina, who used to be best friends. Born as the twins of Han Solo And Leia Organa, and basically raised by Chewbacca, these two were inseparable for their 25 years of sibling-hood. But during the Vong War, Jacen starting growing apart from Jaina, and living a much more secluded life. Jaina's worried about Jacen's well being, sensing something is drastically wrong with her twin, while Jacen just wants to be left alone to his studies. They are Jedi, after all; they're supposed to do a lot of studying. That being said, Jaina asks her aunt, Luke Skywalker's wife, Mara Jade to secretly look after him.

Without getting too deep into the politics of the Galaxy, which I kind of explain in a bit more detail in the Podcast counterpart of this, the galaxy is rifted into two parts. The Galactic Federation of Free Alliances, which is basically the New-New-Republic, and the Confederation, which is made up of planet systems that were relatively unaffected by the Yuuzhan Vong war (Corellia, Adumar, Bespin, Bothawui, and Commenor. Others eventually joined, also). The Confederation wants to be left to their own devices, while the Federation is counting on help from the Confederation to help rebuild the capital and other demolished worlds. This infighting eventually leads to another civil war. And though you can call me unoriginal for following the plot of the Legacy of the Force series, but seriously, it's an amazing story that already exists. Why not keep this going?

Cal Omas, who runs the Federation government, wants to repair the rift between his people and Thracken Sal-Solo, the man in control of the Confederation government. While he's trying to do this, the Federation military starts arresting Corellian-born Federation citizens against Cal Omas's wishes, stating that they could be government or military spies. Any chance to mend the problems between the Corellians and the Federation goes right out the window with this move. Corran Horn, a high-ranking member of Luke Skywalker's New Jedi order, and Wedge Antilles are among the Corellians who are arrested. The detainment of these two names send the Confederation into a frenzy, and they quickly (and easily) amass a fleet, which they use to attack and mutilate The Federation's largest shipyard. Any prisoners taken from this attack are used as bargaining chips to free the Corellian political prisoners. Corran immediately goes to the Jedi Order and chooses to take sides with the Corellians (without the Order's support), and Wedge is made Grand Admiral of the Corellian fleet.

The destruction of the shipyard immediately causes Cal Omas to flipflop on his stance, making a public announcement condemning the Corellian Confederation and labeling them terrorists. The Corellians mention that their own actions have sparked the interest of the Hutts and the Chiss. As a viewer you don't see the Hutts as important, and you barely (if at all) know who the Chiss are. This is downplayed for a reason. They're really both separate and wholly large civilizations that are anti-New Republic, both of which have wanted a reason to throw a punch for decades. Plus Grand Admiral Thrawn was a Chiss, and though he died 20 years earlier in the current EU storyline, you never know what Disney will and will not consider cannon for this script...

This whole "rebellion" of sorts has the potential to turn into yet another full scale civil war, and Cal Omas, Supreme Admiral Cha Niathal of the Federation Navy, and Jacen Solo all see this. This isn't just a muscle flexing competition anymore. Jacen and Cha have been friends and military counterparts since the Vong war. They both compliment each other as Cha is a strategy mastermind while Jacen has the ability to do what the Jedi call a "Battle Meld". With Jacen's particular battle meld, he has the ability to connect minds with everyone on the battlefield, giving his side an obvious advantage. The problem with this meld is it takes a negative toll on Jacen's well being every time he does it, which he keeps quiet to everyone else. They decide they need to begin reforming their fleets.

In the meantime, Thracken Sal-Solo is in conversations with Tenal Ka, the Queen of the Hapes Consortium, regarding the possible military alliance between the two governments. Tenal Ka talks it over with Jacen, who convinces her that the Corellians are truly nothing more than terrorists. Tenal respectfully declines Thracken's offer, wishing to remain neutral. As soon as this happens, Thracken sides with a group of renegade Hapan nobles in an attempt to overthrow the queen. In order to do this, they carry out an assassination of her and her daughter, which is abruptly foiled by Jacen, who sensed this was happening from the beginning. After he saves her life, Jacen pitches the idea of joining the Federation to the Hapans, which she agrees to because the Corellians just tried to kill her and her daughter. He and Niathal have Tenal Ka schedule a meeting between the Corellian and the Hapan fleets. When the Confederation fleet arrives, they are immediately attacked by not only the Hapans, but the Federation fleet also. Insert 20 minute JJ Abrams style space battle. Please.

It doesn't matter how its done, but the conclusion is the inevitable loss by the Confederation as they retreat and limp away to lick their wounds. The Federation celebrates a victory and a new alliance with the Hapans. After the battle, Jacen finds and kills the Hapan nobles by crushing their necks through the force (or some other type of equally Sideous or Vader-like act). Either way, this causes a disturbance in the force that Mara Jade notices, forcing her to confront Jacen. Jacen admits to the Force battle meld causing him extreme exhaustion, and after every one he needs to retire to his quarters to study and meditate. She doesn't believe him, but leave the conversation to dwell on it. After she leaves, he calls Cha Niathal to tell her that they should have a conversation about their future.

Cut to the ending scenes where Jacen and Supreme Admiral Cha Niathal stand behind Cal Omas as he declares an all out war on the Corellian Confederation. Cut over to a different scene where a random Hutt standing in front of a few uniformed, blue-skinned Chiss and Mandalorians as he talks to a very weary and tired Thracken Sal-Solo, the conversation ending in nods and handshakes. Cut back to Jacen Solo having a conversation with Anakin Solo and Ben Skywalker about how, even though it's not even remotely Jedi-like, Thracken Sal-Solo needs to be assassinated before he does anymore damage, causing Ben and Anakin to exchange worried glances. The final scenes are troops marching, ships flying, and us viewers wondering who's really the bad guy.

After Credits Scene
You can't ignore the fact that since Disney's making these movies there will be an after credit scene. And this is also the perfect chance to tease the next stand-alone film, which will probably be a Boba Fett movie, which will also probably already be in production by the time Episode VII hits the theaters.

Picture this. Relatively deserted cantina door opens, and in strolls Boba Fett in full Mandalorian garb. Without breaking stride or paying attention to the countless curious patrons, he strolls up to a table where a figure hidden by shadows sits, reaches into one of his pouches, and tosses a data card on the table. A blue humanoid hand reaches out of the shadows and takes the data card, saying, "Thank you, Fett. Payment was posted an hour ago." To which Fett replies, "I know, I saw. It was good doing business with you, Admiral." The emphasis on the word Admiral causes the shadowed figure to lean out, revealing a blue-skinned, red-eyed, black haired man who says, "No one has called me Admiral in 20 years..." Fett just subtly shakes his head as he turns to leave, saying, "You can't lie to me. You forget, I know everything. See you soon"

End

Rumor Reel #1 - 03.26.14

Indiana "Reboot"
Indiana Jones may be moving in the direction that James Bond did. Though recasting the character could possibly ruin some people's day, I, for one, am extremely excited by the rumor read today regarding Bradley Cooper's possible involvement with the Indy we know and love. I would like to take this time to thank Latino Review for either blatantly lying to us or breaking some amazing early news.

The Lightsaber Duel of First Bill
The young, lead male shortlist for Star Wars 7 keeps getting shorter and shorter. When I was browsing last week, the list was at seven or eight. Now, according to Screen Rant and their sources, the shortlist is down to five. Ed Speleers, who starred in Downtown Abby is on that list, along with Matthew James Thomas and Ray Fischer, who are both theater actors for the most part. The two actors I'm most curious to see in a Jedi robe are Jesse Plemons (Battleship) and John Boyega (Attack the Block). Though this casting bill causes me to believe their scrapping more of the Expanded Universe than I previously thought, I can't help but be excited. With filming scheduled to start within the next two months, you'd think that at least one cast member would be officially announced by now.

Wolverine's Second Chance
Fox announced that there is a sequel to The Wolverine to be released sometime in 2017. This gives Wolverine writers a chance to make up for that garbage they released last time. Lets hope they bring back Gambit and Deadpool. They could even give Gambit and Rogue that love story true X-Men fans know they need. Also in the linked article is a link to another article discussing a possible Daredevil reboot, which I would not be opposed to.

Call of Dooty: Crap Ops Duece [Old Post]

You know that feeling when you and a girl you’ve been working on all night are on the couch, kissing and getting all hot and bothered? Then, just as you start to move your hands towards her jeans button, she stops you and says, “I’m sorry, but I can’t today, if you know what I mean. Maybe next time.”

That’s exactly what Black Ops 2 did to me.

Other than “Transit”, their new take on Zombies where you and three other people work together to kill the undead while traveling to different maps via a creepy automated bus while building weird contraptions to help you access otherwise inaccessible shenanigans, the game is garbage.

You do get to build a class with any 10 items you want without any true restrictions, though, which doesn’t really matter because there isn’t a noticeable difference to the damage any of the weapons in the game do in comparison to one another. A round from a light machine gun does the same damage as a round from a sub-machine gun. It was almost as if the game creators had a board meeting and said “Hey, lets get rid of any skill value in this game. Lets get soccer moms and Betty White interested in our franchise.” If you want to play this game like a “god”, just run around hip-firing a three burst pistol with an extended clip, popping people in the feet. I swear it works. That’s what I did for a week and 45 levels before I sold the game and replaced it with Halo 4.

Ha! After that Craigslist sale, I yelped with joy and skipped away, to the point where I bet the guy thought I had just sold him a broken game. Little did he know, he would have felt better about buying a broken copy of Fusion Frenzy. He also would have felt better about spending $40 on a tug-job from a wrestler with sandpaper hands.

The multi-player gameplay feels like something out of a 2005 Medal of Honor game. Oh, and I played the game for a total of 3 hours (including zombies) to get up to level 45. That doesn’t spell “challenging” in my dictionary. As a matter of fact, I think it spells “shyte”. I didn’t even make it to the campaign part of the game, so I can’t truly comment on it. I can only assume it to be as depressing and annoying as a beta version of the original Playstation’s Tomb Raider.

If you haven’t bought it yet, don’t buy it. If you bought it as a Christmas gift for someone, open the gift up and replace the game with a 90s version of Playgirl Magazine. That would be exponentially better to receive on Jesus’s birthday than a disc worth countless hours of frustration and disappointment.

Vikings - Violently Amazing

I don’t know if its the eyes so blue they make you think they’re CGI enhanced or if its the blood stained skin and hipster haircut, but something about the main character of Vikings leads me to believe that I wouldn’t want to meet this guy in a dark alley.

Ragnar Lothbrok, the main protagonist, his sociopathic brother, and equally psychotic wife make up an amazing main line-up of good guys. They drink and fight for blood (against each one another), and spitefully take their clan’s chieftain on, creating an addictive, sit-and-watch-five-episodes-at-once story.

In the first Norse raid the viewer is a part of, the Vikings stumble upon a monastery during their first trip to England. They do exactly what you think a 14th century Nord would do to a town full of priests and golden statues: slaughter and plunder.

I will say that the first episode was rather slow, but it was a much needed set-up for what will develop into one of the best shows on television. Honestly, this is a cold-hearted drama/action for the books, kids. 

Season 2 premiered on February 27th, so you don't have that much binge watching to do to catch up with the show.

A New Hope for Science Fiction

Sunday was a big day for the nerd community. It was the day where a Best Director Oscar fell into the hands of a Science Fiction film. Gravity won a total of 7 Oscars last weekend, one of which was “Best Original Score”, but the most important one landed in Alfonso Cuarón’s lap, and the director stood up and skipped his way into history. Now, despite the fact that an obscene amount of realism and research went into the creation of this film, it is still technically a science fiction. A science fiction winning “Best Director” at the Oscars, especially over the likes of Martin Scorsese and Steve McQueen, is a giant step forward for the SciFi community.

Even George Lucas, arguably the father or modern day science fiction cinema, has never one an Oscar. Gravity walking away with an Oscar in “Best Director” now validates our genre to an entire populace of nay-sayers and non-believers. As if Nerdom wasn't practically mainstream anyways, this now makes our geek culture even more of a force to be reckoned with, and for one, I’d like to thank The Academy for that. Lets see what happens in 2015…. 

Great Lakes Initiative - Milwaukee, Wisconsin's Avengers

Today I learned that there is a “sister team” of the Avengers and the Avengers West Coast. Based out of Milwaukee, WI, the Great Lakes Initiative was founded by Mister Immortal and consisted of Big Bertha, Doorman, Flatman, and Squirrel Girl, all of which ended up playing more cards than actually fighting bad guys. The GLI teamed up with the likes of Captain America, the Human Torch, and She-Hulk. Deadpool was even a “reserve member” of the team for a while before being removed from GLA headquarters because he proved to be too much of a nuisance. 

They had many affiliations. Starting as the Great Lakes Initiative, the team was discovered by Mockingbird and Hawkeye, who later ended up training the team as Avengers. They usually kept to themselves, staying far out of the limelight, except during situations where they were called upon by their Avenger West Coast and original Avenger brethren for help.

They remained Avengers by name until they saved the world from their arch nemesis, Maelstrom. In a daring battle, they defeated him but gained no recognition for the events. After losing the rights to the Avenger’s name due to legal threats from the Maria Stark Foundation, the team had a realization that they all were mutants, thus becoming GLX, or the Great Lakes X-Men.

They remained the GLX until the events of the Superhero Civil War, where they became the first team to register with the superhuman registration act, becoming the government initiative team from Wisconsin.

The more you know…