Aside from Iron Man, the last five years of Marvel ownership of Marvel was atrocious from a film standpoint. From 2004 to 2009, Marvel released not only some of the worst comic book films known to man, they also released some of the worst films, period. Before then, they were releasing pure awesome of the likes of Blade and X-Men. They even threw Punisher at us, and we ate all of it up. Spider-Man wasn’t really my thing, but my brother loved the hell out of it and apparently so did the rest of the world. But after that, they released things like Elektra and Ghost Rider. X-Men the Last Stand was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, falling just short of Dark Knight Rises. The sequel to the Punisher would have made Frank Castle want to kill his entire family. X-Men Origins? Really? How do you introduce a character like Deadpool, and then take away his ability to talk. The only reason Deadpool still exists as a comic book character is because of his voice and the things he says with it. The Fantastic Four was a damn joke. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it was cool in the theaters because I was 17 and didn’t know any better, but as soon as I watched it in the comforts of my own home, I was immediately ashamed of myself.
They destroyed a franchise like Blade with it’s “final” installment. How do you ruin Blade? You probably could have taken two hours of footage of Wesley Snipes playing waste-paper basketball under a blacklight and your fans would have been happier with you. And who chose the “villains” for Rise of the Silver Surfer? What kind of comic book movie doesn’t have comic book characters doing comic booky things? They chased around a silver dude in their jet for an hour before convincing him to go kill the giant evil wormhole in space. The Fantastic Four didn’t actually do anything in the last Fantastic Four movie.
Spider-Man 3! I could put up with Topher Grace being Venom. I could even put up with the fact that you gave our protagonist 3 villains at once. But no. That wasn’t enough for you. You had to shyt in our hat one more time. You made Peter Parker an emo douche! I don’t care that you needed to show us how bad the Venom was. It is Hollywood! Think of something better.
And the Hulk… he is one of my little brother’s and my all-time favorite characters. My little bro fell asleep during the movie. In the theaters. That bad. What did you do to him? What did you do!? You’re so lucky Edward Norton exists; he resurrected that monstrosity. You put Hulk up against three giant gamma dogs and his electro-monster father. And as awesome as it sounded while I was typing that, it was awful. God awful. For shame, Marvel film people. For shame.
I, for one, was legitimately excited when Disney announced they were buying Marvel in 2009. There’s no way they could do worse. Like, literally, no way. Not only has their three phase idea been working marvelously, I’m just all around excited to see how they mold this universe into one giant conglomerate. They made Captain America cool again. He hadn't been cool since the 60s. And now my wife knows who Hawkeye is. Could any man say that back in 2009? No. No, they couldn't. Also, I don’t care that I barely know who the Guardians of the Galaxy are, I’m going to see that movie opening day. Yup.
